I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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