I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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