i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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