a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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