I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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