Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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