so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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