Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
