so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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