So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
