She's JV to your varsity
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
