You're my little dorito
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
