That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
