:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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