and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
