We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
