So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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