so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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