I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
