so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
