ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
