It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
