so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
