i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
