you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
