We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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