I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
