i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
