haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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