Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
