Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
