I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
