I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
