I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
