She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
