you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
