I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
