You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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