OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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