i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
