I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
