why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
