Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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