The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
