listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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