no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
