LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You can't just leave with hair like that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
