I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
