eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
