Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
