Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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