he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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