you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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