Where is the hickey?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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