Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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