So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
