It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
