i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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