Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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