my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
