found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
