can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
