we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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