Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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