dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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