just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
MIDGETS
????
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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