So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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