Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
