I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
