you would pick up someone in the library
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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