she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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