I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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