Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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