my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
