My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
