I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
