Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
