Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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