I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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