His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
